What if I hurt my baby? Harm OCD and the Perinatal Period
Bringing a new life into the world is meant to be a time of joy and fulfillment, but for some mothers and new parents, the perinatal period can be filled with anxiety, fear, and intrusive thoughts that can feel overwhelming and distressing. Perinatal OCD, or postpartum OCD, is a type of obsessive-compulsive disorder that can arise during pregnancy or after childbirth. It's more common than you might think, with up to 3-5% of new mothers (and 2% of new fathers!) experiencing perinatal OCD.
Women with perinatal OCD may experience heightened anxiety and distress due to the intense maternal instincts and protective instincts that come with motherhood. Parents with a personal or family history of OCD, anxiety disorders, or depression may be at a higher risk of developing perinatal OCD. It’s important to understand that experiencing perinatal OCD is not a reflection of a mother's or new parent’s character or parenting abilities, but rather a result of hormonal changes, genetic predisposition, and/or environmental factors.
Feeling anxious and worried is a completely normal and expected response to becoming a parent (for the first time or the fourth!). However, when worries and anxiety take a dark turn, such as experiencing unwanted, persistent thoughts, urges, or images about harm or violence coming to you or your baby, even though you know you would never act on these thoughts, it can leave you feeling shaken to your core and questioning your ability to care for your baby.
In response, you might find yourself constantly checking on your baby, unable to relax or sleep because you’re so worried that your baby might stop breathing. You might find yourself repeating words, phrases, or prayers. You might spend hours googling “what is normal?” or seeking reassurance from loved ones or from the internet. You might find yourself avoiding certain situations, or even your baby, in an effort to prevent something bad from happening. While checking, seeking reassurance, and/or avoidance might provide a temporary sense of control or relief, the anxiety and distress continue to grow, leaving you feeling more disconnected, fearful, and sad.
As a new parent, you might be afraid to seek support for perinatal OCD symptoms for a variety of reasons, including stigma, pressure to appear perfect and put-together, fear of appearing incompetent, feelings of guilt and shame, fear of judgment or criticism, fear of being seen as an unfit or dangerous parent, or fear that your children will be taken away from you. You might feel isolated and unsupported in your struggles with perinatal OCD, leading you to believe that you have to cope on your own.
It’s crucial to remember that having intrusive thoughts of harming yourself or your baby does not mean you are a bad mother or parent, or that you will act on these thoughts. People with OCD often have thoughts that are the opposite of their true desires, and these thoughts can be distressing and unwanted. It is the fear of these thoughts that drives the compulsive behaviors associated with OCD, not a desire to harm oneself or others.
As scary and overwhelming as perinatal OCD can feel, the good news is that it is highly treatable. Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy, a type of cognitive-behavioral therapy, has been shown to be effective in treating OCD, including perinatal OCD. ERP therapy involves gradually exposing oneself to feared situations or thoughts while refraining from engaging in compulsive behaviors. Medication, such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), may also be used in conjunction with therapy to help manage symptoms. If you suspect you or a loved one may be experiencing perinatal OCD, reaching out to a mental health professional who specializes in OCD and anxiety disorders is a crucial step towards healing.
As a new parent, it’s natural to put the needs of your baby first, and it’s equally important to take care of your own mental health and wellbeing. In addition to seeking support from a qualified professional, it’s important to cultivate self-compassion and practice patience with yourself as you navigate the challenges of perinatal OCD. Be gentle and understanding towards yourself, acknowledging that managing perinatal OCD is a journey that may have ups and downs. Celebrate small victories and milestones along the way, recognizing the progress you’ve made in overcoming obstacles and building resilience.
Finally, support groups specifically tailored for mothers and parents experiencing perinatal OCD can offer a safe space to share experiences, gain insight, and connect with others who understand what you’re going through. These groups can provide a sense of community, validation, and encouragement, fostering a supportive environment for healing and growth.
Remember, you are not alone in this journey. With support and treatment, you can overcome perinatal OCD and embrace parenthood with confidence and resilience. Recovery is possible, and there is hope for a brighter future for you and your baby. Be gentle with yourself, seek help when you need it, and trust in your ability to heal and grow. You are stronger than you know, and with the right support, you can thrive as a new parent.
